Journeywoman

Thirteen reasons I am glad I am a woman in 21st century America

I'm watching "Sex, A Revolution" on VH1 and I've been reading books set in the middle ages.

I've come to a conclusion. I'm DAMN glad that I am a woman alive now. Here's why.

1) No one is cutting off my clitoris.

2) I am not sold to anyone in marriage.

3) I choose who I marry

4) I choose who I sleep with--even within marriage

5) I don't have to wear a corset

6) I am not ostracized when I have my period. (An aside here, while the idea of going to a special woman's tent and being surrounded by women during my period is attractive, I cannot imagine not being able to be held when my period comes.)

7) I have a right to vote.

8) I may purchase birth control if I want to have sex without creating a child.

9) I can have an abortion. (Yes, I am an infertile woman who is EXTREMELY for a woman's right to choose)

10) I can purchase books that will enhance my sex life.

11) There are books AVAILABLE that will help me to enhance my sex life.

12) I am allowed to go to whatever university I can get into and can afford.

13) I can run for president of the United States.

Thank you to all the women who have come before me who have made this possible.

Steel

My mother in law has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

It is not the "truly evil" kind, but it isn't good either. We've had to push our IVF #2 back again.

I was the one who had to tell D. His mom found out and since D can't get calls at work she called me. I wasn't going to tell him until I got home but he called me at work and told me he needed to know, he needed to know now. So I told him.

He started to cry. And I couldn't hold him. I could just listen through the phone, and I hated it.

We don't know the protocol yet. We don't know what happens next. She has another test in July and then she'll have surgery.

D isn't that close to his parents. Sometimes I blame the adoption, sometimes I blame the fact that they treat him like he's 11. Often I communicate better with his folks than he does. But I will make myself stand back and have D minister to them. They need that.

* *

In a total change of subject, we were watching Steel Magnolias tonight. I cut away for the part where Julia Roberts dies. I'm married to a diabetic, I don't need to see it all. I was struck though by the relationship between Claree (Olympia Dukakis) and Ouiser (Shirley McClane). They loved to push each other's buttons, they loved to snip at each other, but you saw a deep and abiding friendship and love there.

D said that was me and L in 50 years. I huffed and stuff since I don't think either of them are very nice, but I watched and I saw the friendship there.

I can only hope.

* *

Thirteen MORE women who made a difference--without being moms.

It's that time of year again.

Mothers day. For most a holiday where you buy a card for your mom (which thankfully I am still able to do.) And for others a day to spend with their children.

And for those, like me, whose arms are still aching to hold a child, Mother's day straight out sucks.

The first two weeks of May suck for me. I can't look anywhere without being kicked in the breasts over what everyone else has except me. Last year I posted a list of women who had made a difference without being a mom. This year I post a list of more women who have made a difference without being a mom. No duplicates.

Being a mother is an important thing, but it isn't the only thing, as these women show.

1) Marlo Thomas
Known for being That Girl and her children's book Free To Be You and Me

2) Margaret Mitchell
Ever heard of Gone With the Wind? She wrote it.

3) Annie Oakley
Annie Get Your Gun was based on a true story.

4) Marion Anderson
A woman who stood up to bigotry and hate.

5) Billy Jean King
Another woman who stood up to bigotry and hate--oh and beat the hell out of Bobby Riggs on the tennis court!

6) Annie Sullivan
Best known for being Helen Keller's teacher. But a remarkably accomplished woman who was blind and showed others light.

7) Elizabeth Jane Cochran aka Nellie Bly
The first celebrated female investigative reporter. She allowed herself to be committed into an insane asylum so she could report on it.

8) Ella Fitzgerald
First lady of song. Don't believe me? Go here and listen.

9) Ayn Rand
Fountainhead. Atlas Shrugged. No, no contributions there....(sarcasm)

10) Frida Kahlo
Showed that women could paint as well (and some might say better) than the men

11) Dolly Parton
Made it okay to be chesty. I still love her for this.

12) Dorothy Parker
Poet and wit extraordinaire. Resume is my favorite

13) Rosa Parks
I guess being Mother of the Civil Rights movement will have to be enough.

I end this with a hope.
That next mother's day will have all the women who want to be mothers--as mothers.
That all mothers will hold their children tightly.
That all adult children will reconcile with their mothers if it is possible to do so.
That all child-free women are made to feel empowered instead of ashamed.
And that the great mother of us all will grant us all peace.

"There are no great things, only small things with great love"--Mother Teresa (another woman who was never a mom!)

Things I am thinking about

Sorry for the bloggy silence. Again. Writing going well. Blogging doesn't happen as much.

We're waiting until July to do IVF #2. D's mom has a pancreatic tumor. They have done a biopsy and we will have the results on Friday. It might be malignant, it might not be. We're hoping for door number two. D "refuses to worry until there is something to worry about." That's okay. I'm worrying enough for the both of us.

D talks in his sleep. Most of the time it is mumbling and not coherent. Yesterday though, he said, "I don't want my mommy in pain." It hurt my heart.

I always worry about my parents. I have been living with their age, all my life. I'm not used to worrying about D's parents. If it is "something" D says he wants to go alone and be with his dad. I don't know that I like that idea. I want to be there for him, but I understand it.

So we're waiting to see what happens this month. The lab at the RE closes down for 3 weeks to recalibrate their machines, so it will be July when I start again.

Work is weird. April is a slow slow month and then May hits like a thunderstorm.

I feel so bad for the people of Myanmar.

Another Horrid case scenario from China. I'm ready to not think until after the Olympics. I want a child. Why does it always hurt so much more around this time of year.

Sunday is Mother's day--oh yeah, that's why.

Thirteen things I would like in my house

In honor of holocaust remembrance day I was going to do a Thursday Thirteen about the shoah, but I couldn't really add much to This (Thirteen lights the holocaust couldn't dim) . So Read that if you like.

In other news in my life we have started the long house hunt. I do not believe in "Starter" homes. Where I move next, I want to be my last move. But I am a NEWBIE at this. I KNOW NOTHING. So I welcome all the advice anyone can give me about house hunting and buying.

That being said, here are thirteen things I would like in my new home.
M=Must
R=REALLY Want
W=Would be nice

1) At least three bedrooms. (M)

2) At least 2 full bathrooms (or a half bathroom we can make a full one) (M)

3) Dishwasher (M)

4) Off-street parking (M)

5) Attached Garage (R)

6) Basement (M) --This surprised me.

7) Fireplace (M-R) We saw a house with a lovely fireplace--but it had no basement. I did not know that a basement trumps a fireplace--but we really want both.

8) Eat-in Kitchen (M) We don't have one now, but when we came to this apartment I said that this was renting, not buying.

9) BIG Kitchen (R) My mom's kitchen has 2 ovens and enough cabinets to house 6 sets of dishes (she keeps kosher) I want a big kitchen

10) Easy commute to NYC--or at least a tolerable one (R)

11) Central Air (W)

12) Tons upon tons of closet space (R)

13) Finished basement (W)

For the homeowners who read this--what were your musts? What did you compromise on? What do you wish you held out for?

Diabetic Police

Sorry I haven't been big with the blogging. I've been doing well with my writing. It seems that when I write and when I blog the two don't seem to mesh.

So now I'm blogging.

My period was due last week. Hasn't come, I'll probably need provera. One thing that happens when I miss periods is that I get pissy. That's been happening.

**Please note that the following is a RANT. I adore my husband. He is my heart and my soul and my life. We are made up, we are not splitting, he just happens to be a jackass sometimes and that is the story that follows**

D and I have been picking on each other. Little things. The fact that we haven't had sex in some time probably comes into it. Not too long--but longer than I'm comfortable with. Bad timing, bad allergies, bad moods. But then, it's April, and TS Elliot had it right.

Tonight we scuffled over dinner. His blood sugar was 240 (should be 100) when I was starting to make dinner. I was ready to put the stuff back in the fridge and make myself some pasta. But D said no, I could make the stuff (burgers and baked "fries") and he'd eat only a little and have the rest for leftovers. Fine.

Dinner made, we sit down and are enjoying dinner and D is enjoying a handful of fries. Then one "fry" and then three more and you get the picture. I try to be subtle. I give him a look. I put my hand over the fries when he's reaching. He waits until my hand is gone and grabs some more. I then say, "Enough."

I am then bitched out because he's not a child and I should have said something nicer. I lose it. I respond I am not the effing diabetic police and since he has told me (a number of times) that he prefers when I pause him he has no right to tell me how.

An aside here. I HATE BEING THE DIABETIC POLICE! I don't do well with portion control, but I'm learning stuff. D however has no "filter" that tells him he is full, not after 20+ years of eating when the glucose meter tells you to. But this goes against my Jewish mother nature that says that everything can be fixed with the right meal. I HATE telling him to stop eating. I HATE IT.

Anyway I get bitched out and then I respond that he is ignoring his own responsibility. That he had the responsibility to do as he said he would. He ignores me. I repeat this again until it sinks in and then we retreat to corners of the house to lick our wounds.

We made up. But I'm still annoyed. I'm still raging that I have to do this, and knowing he won't. There are days that I don't know when to pick the battle, and I probably should have not done anything. But then he snaps at ME when his blood glucose is high. Okay, I should note it isn't at me. He snaps, and I happen to be there and listening to it.

Currently there are clinical trials going on in MA for a possible cure. When I read about it I imagined a day in the future when I wouldn't have to ask D "What's your blood like?" I wouldn't have to touch his back or hand to see if he was sweaty and that meant low. When I could cook whatever the hell I want for him and not worry about the carbs. I actually started to cry.

People don't think of diabetes as a disease. People think "Well there's insulin" but it is so much more than that. It is everyone around the diabetic worrying about various things.

I hate this disease. I hate that it might take my D away from me. I hate it. I hate that we have these stupid fights because I worry so goddamn much.

Burning Homefires

Cautiously optimistic.

Since I was diagnosed with infertility 7 years ago, I have learned the term well. It doesn't do to be optimistic because 9.75 times out of 10 your optimism will be shot down around you like so many skeet pigeons.

It sucks.

But, right now, we're cautiously optimistic that D will, in fact, get tenure at the High School where he has been teaching these past 3 years. So, tomorrow, we will be going out to look at open houses. We have our eye on one house, but we want to be sure we really like that house and so must see other houses--does that make sense? I think it does. I kind of am looking forward to it. Anyway, the house we kinda have our eye on isn't exactly for sale--that does put a crimp on things.

So we're off to see houses. But, besides two full bathrooms and more closet space than Gd intended, and a fireplace--I really don't know what I'm looking for. As always, I ask the internets for wisdom.

In other news, I made Steak Diane yesterday. And I cooked A'FLAMBE!!!! That means I put brandy on the steak, and lit the thing on FIRE!!!

And I still have my eyebrows.

And we didn't burn the apartment down.

And it was yummy!

I realize I sound kind of excited. Did I ever mention that until I was 19 years old I never lit a match? I am mildly pyrophobic. I Do Not Like Fire--well, I mean I like fireplaces, and candles, but I worry.

So cooking with big flames shooting up out of the pot was really cool.

And with that, I hope to have burning homefires.

Thirteen best recipes

I am starting work on a cookbook for people with allergies. I have food allergies. I am allergic to nuts, tomatoes and seafood. I have always been this way. Yet my mom, a truly amazing cook, always made things I could eat. Here are some of the recipes that will be in the cookbook.

For people allergic to seafood

1) Jambalaya
2) Chicken scampi (instead of shrimp scampi)
3) bacon wrapped turkey bites (instead of scallops or shrimp)

For people allergic to tomatoes

4) Garlic pizza (different from white pizza-better IMHO)
5) Lasagna without tomato sauce
6) 6 different pasta sauces--all without tomatoes

For people allergic to nuts

7) German chocolate cake
8) Brownies
9) I'm going to be experimenting--I'm hoping for Chicken satay--but no promises.

For lactose allergies

10) Swedish Meatballs
11) 3 layer chocolate torte--also good for gluten allergies
12) Coffee Cake

For Gluten allergies

13) Meringue cookies

What allergies do you have? What would you want to see?

Thirteen old (and in some cases dead) actors that can still make my heart go pitty-pat

Can we have Charlton Heston's gun now?

All jokes aside, and as I may disagree with his politics I thought Charlton Heston was one hell of an actor. So, in his honor, I am listing Thirteen of my favorite actors born before 1956 (The year 10 commandments came out)

1) Humphrey Bogart
He did more in a nod (in Casablanca) than some actors do ever.

2) Spencer Tracy
My dad once said he'd love Spencer Tracy to play him in his life story. Well, since Dad is still with us and Spencer isn't, he'll have to settle for Fyvush Finkel who looks like my dad.

3) Marlon Brando
Everyone else thinks of him in Streetcar or The Godfather. I loved him in Guys and Dolls.

4) Van Johnson
Often "the buddy" but handsome and sweet as all get out.

5) Gene Kelly
Rarely thought of as more than a dancer, but watch him in Inherit the Wind...he's good. VERY good.

6) Jimmy Stewart
His performance in It's a Wonderful Life makes me sob every single year.

7) Errol Flynn
He is, and will always be Robin Hood to me.

8) Cary Grant
He can make me laugh and drool.

9) Sidney Poitier
Force and fury and a man I can just listen to for hours.

10) Bruce Lee
Gone too soon.

11) Peter O'Toole
I swear this man could read the phone book and I'd pay attention.

12) Gregory Peck
I adored Atticus.

13) Charlton Heston
Wind to your wings. Now give us your gun.

Allergy Alert

Okay dear and wonderful internets, I need your help and answers.

Do you have friends with allergies? I mean food allergies, not allergies that make this time of year a living hell.

You see, I have allergies. A lot. I am allergic to nuts (most of them, peanuts too, my system doesn't care that they are technically legumes), lemon in high does (I can have a half serving of chicken piccata, but no lemonade), Tomatoes (yes all of them. Yes it means no pizza. I've managed.), and seafood (by this I mean all of it. Salmon and shellfish. It is my worst allergy by far.)

Yet I love to cook. I'm good at it too. You see my mom is a gourmet cook and whenever a recipe had something that one of my allergies, she would adapt it. I've had Jambalaya and pizza and lasagna. It is possible to do these things. My mom did it. So I'd look at a recipe and see an allergy of mine and see if I can adjust it.

Apparently, I'm pretty good at it. I also know a lot of other tricks. People at work come to me when they have allergic people coming to visit them. I've told them how to make swedish meatballs for lactose intolerant people, and jambalaya for people who can't eat shellfish.

I'm considering self-publishing a cookbook based on this idea. A basic, You Can Eat This, especially considering the amount of allergies that I hear people having and special diets and stuff.

So dear internets, is this something that you would buy?