Interview answers - being a diabetic's spouse

Art Sweetasked me interview questions Almost each one of them could be a blog entry--I'll start with the first one.

What advice would you give to fellow partners of people with diabetes?

Great question. Please keep in mind all of this is for Type 1 or Insulin dependant diabetics.

My short answer: Make them test all the time.

My long answer is a bit...longer. You never know what the blood sugar is doing. Even after a huge gigundo meal, you can be amazed and surprised that after Christmas fricking dinner they can be 50 (because they REALLY anticipated more). If you two are beginning to fight, and he/she says something that you would KILL someone else for saying--make them test.

I would also say, Insulin reactions is not alcohol. Mel Gibson has anti-semitic tendencies because of what he said while drunk. When a diabetic is having an insulin reaction what they are saying has no relation to the universe that the normal people are in. None whatsoever. A diabetic friend nearly got divorced because she kept thinking her husband was her ex-boyfriend. He thought it meant that she really wanted to be with him, not her husband. It took her nearly peeing in her underwear drawer (she thought she was at the apartment she shared with her ex) for him to realize that she was having an insulin reaction. One tube of glucose gel later they both were feeling better.

You will never know all you need to know about your partner's diabetes. Never. What worked yesterday may not always work tomorrow. It sucks. Also they are always learning new things about diabetes. That doesn't suck.

There are things that will never be commonplace. After knowing my D for 17 years, and he had a reaction the first day I met him, I would think that his reactions wouldn't phase me. Ha Ha Ha. I will still flip the fuck out if I see he's 50 or below.

Ultimately, your partner is the one with diabetes. You can suggest, you can whine, but for medical things and changes final word should be your partner's. They are the one who has to live with it.

For people with diabetic male partners:

I worked for a company that did stuff with Cialis (an erectile dysfuntion drug) this drug was created by Lilly specifically for diabetics. I read a lot of the medical texts and if you need to go this route the drugs you should use are Cialis or Levitra. Viagra can interfere with absorbtion of insulin. Now I am NOT a doctor, I just edited the reports from some of the testing--and this was 5 years ago. Your doctor should know best. So far we haven't needed it so all of this is based on what I read by a company that was quite slanted towards Cialis.

Other little bits of advice in no particular order:

Regular soda works quickest in a reaction. Better than orange juice, though not as healthy.

Fruit punch glucose tablets taste like fruit-stripe gum.

Tell children honestly what you are doing when you give yourself shots. DO NOT try to scare them. You will feel like shit if they actually do come down with diabetes and they think they did something wrong.

Always keep extra syringes and insulin on hand.

Glucose tablets belong in easy reach at all times.

Comments

[c]

I'm also a Type I diabetic, and so I thought I'd chime in, because I feel frustrated sometimes when people talk about diabetics like we are all the same (not saying you are, JW). But the disease is various and manifests differently.

One of the things my husband does best is NOT to nag me. He respectfully does not hover over me when I'm testing my blood sugar. He knows that I'm not someone who would react well to being "monitored" by him--I suspect a lot of people feel the same. He is also very good at understanding that I know my disease better than he does; he never questions what I should or shouldn't eat.

Also, FWIW, not everyone gets angry or emotional during insulin reactions. I never have, and I have had bad ones. I do get discombobulated. I tend to ramble. But it's pretty subtle; most people would not notice it. I would be irritated, though, if my real anger were written off as a blood sugar issue. It's also good to know that the symptoms of hypoglycemia can change.

I personally think a spouse should know how to administer a glucagon injection, be willing to travel with glucose sources, should pay attention any time his/her partner acts strangely during sleep (an insulin reaction is almost always treatable when awake; it's much more dangerous, as I learned the hard way, when it happens when you're sleeping), be patient and understanding and don't let anything interfere with your spouse getting what s/he needs when s/he says "my blood sugar's low," and--I think most importantly--respect the level of involvement or distance your spouse might want from you. I personally feel that it is my body, and I would not want to be policed by my husband at all. That's not how I want him to view me.

My husband has hypoglycemia, and he has always gotten cranky when his blood sugar was low (though it never gets as low as a diabetic's--I know bc we have tested). When he was a kid, his parents, realizing the blood sugar problem, subsequently took it too far and commanded him to eat food every time he expressed anger. It was like they couldn't realize he might really be angry and not just in need of medical attention. I can't imagine how frustrating that must have been. So, just like you don't want your bad mood to be written off to PMS, I suggest being careful sometimes about assigning the cause of a diabetic's frustration or anger. It might really be frustration or anger!

Wow, I had a lot more to say about this than I thought. Thanks for the little pulpit, JW!

[Jenny]

This was very interesting. Having a friend who is type 1 and me being type 2 we always make sure to distinguish.

But even though I am not insulin dependent I relate to alot of what you said. I have had questions of why do you take soo much medication by kids/adults, I always tell them real reasons. Conor helps alot with trying to recognize the signs of the hypo-I get to about >70 and start to sweat and loose it. I will have anxiety attacks at the drop of a hat if trending low. It is nice to have someone trying to recognize and watch if there is something gonig on.

Diabetes is a terrible disease and I hope they continue to research and find a cure/solution for type 1.

-Jenny