Because it's on my mind

On New Years Day it is inscribed and on the Day of Atonement it is sealed.  How many shall pass away and how many shall be born...

Watched Grey's Anatomy and it was about mourning and death.  And this time of the year I am praying P.R.A.Y.I.N.G. for another  year where I won't have to bury anyone close to me.  

As I was watching Grey's Anatomy I started thinking--really thinking  about the day my friends and family don't want to see.  A day where the sun will rise and set and I won't be here anymore.  

No one wants to talk about death.  No one.  That's why this whole bullshit about death panels got out of control.  That and because Sarah Palin is either dumb or conniving--I don't know which.  But now I'm talking about death.  My death.  And for the people who know me IRL, feel free to move on.  But, you know that I'm writing this down here--in case there are any disputes. 

I am a donor.  If my eyes can help someone see, and my kidneys give someone life off dialysis, take them for I no longer need them.  One exception.  My heart.   I have a history of heart disease and I don't think it will do anyone any good.  Only D has the power to make this decision as to whether or not it stays.  Everything else--take. 

I'd like to be buried.  But it isn't a deal breaker.  

If I have children, and D doesn't survive me, my heart sister and heart brother in law will be the first ones I want to raise them.  Don't ever make me a saint to them.  I was a bitch.  I wasn't always nice.  Make damn sure she/he knows that. 

If I am brain dead, if I am in a coma and I will never awake, if I am no longer me--let me go.  Let me go on to whatever is ahead.  I have had a good life--if I die tomorrow I have loved and been beloved and that is quite a lot for one lifetime.  Let me go. 

At my funeral, I want someone to tell a joke.  I want someone to tell a funny story about me.  I want people to remember me laughing so hard that the soda came up my nose.  

My favorite charities: American Diabetes Association; Big Brothers, Big Sisters;  Planned Parenthood--charities that helped humans. 

Someone call a radio station--a classic rock one--and request Nowhere Man be played in my memory.  Just because it is my favorite song. 

If D is left behind--take care of him. Don't let him push you away, not when he needs you so very much.  Same with my parents.  Don't forget to live because I'm not there.

Most important, if my life touched yours--live.  Remember me to friends.  Remember the stupid things I did.  Remember that I loved with every fiber of my soul.

If your spouse, loved one, guardian doesn't know this about your end of life wishes what the fuck are you waiting for?  Someday they will need to know, and you won't be able to tell them then.  And when you have this discussion you can reach out and hug them so very close to you and be glad that you can.

Comments

[Mel]

I never told you this, but I wanted to write a post like this, but Josh begged me not to because it made him heartbroken. I just think that you are incredibly brave and I'm moved by your ability to post this.

[LutC]

No one wants to talk about death, death is swept under the rug.

Your advice to talk about it with spouse/loved ones is compelling, but I don't think I'm prepared to do it any time soon. But I'll think about it.

[Vee]

My husband has an incurable cancer which he is battling, we need to have this conversation and I have been thinking about it a lot lately. After reading this I realise I need to do it sooner rather than later.
Thank you.