Thirteen things I would like to tell my husband's birth mother

13 things about my husband I would like his birth mother to know about the child who was born today:

1. My husband, your biological son,  is a geek.  He loves Star Wars so much that when he played the Star Wars Trivial pursuit for the first time  they had to institute a rule that after 6 correct answers you lose your turn.
   
2. My husband, your biological son, is loyal.  Once someone has his love and affection they have it forever.
   
3. My husband, your biological son, was raised by two wonderful people who loved him more than anything else in their world.   He wasn’t an easy kid, but he was so very loved by them. 
4. He has a way of talking to someone that makes them feel important.  He also is fairly shy.  I wonder if he got that from you.
5. He is scrupulously honest.  He is the man who will go back to the supermarket to tell them they forgot to charge him for something.
   
6. He is startlingly intelligent.  He can make connections very quickly and has a curious wonderful mind.
7. He is a teacher.  His students respect him, and like him.  They feel they can come to him to talk about their problems.  He will sit with a student for hours until they get the concepts he is teaching.   
8. He wonders about you.  He wonders what he has inherited from you both physically and mentally.  But he has not searched to find you, mainly because he is worried it would hurt his parents, the two people you trusted to raise him.  He wonders if he would feel a connection to you, and I think he is both hopeful and worried that he would.  There is always money for a search, I have told him.  But for now, he waits—and wonders.
9. He worries though.   He confided in me a worry about having our own children that he had not mentioned through the hell of infertility treatments.  The worry boiled down to, if he wasn’t good enough to keep how could he be good enough to adopt.  I was angry with you that day. 
10. Every year on his birthday he gets depressed. He wonders if you're thinking about him. He feels guilty enjoying his birthday if you're thinking about him and crying. He then gets scared that you're not thinking about him, and that he wasn't important enough to make a difference in your life. Welcome to the catch-22 of the adopted child. 
11.  Even though he doesn’t know you, he loves you—and respects you.  When I told him I was angry with you he said not to be.  He believes he has the parents he was meant to have.  He thinks of you as someone faced with an impossible choice and thinks that you thought of him first.  
12. He has startlingly blue eyes.  I often wonder if that is an inheritance from you.  His smile makes my heart jump after 14 years of marriage
13. He is a wonderful person, my husband, your biological son.  For your part in that, I thank you.  If you are thinking of him today—and I’m fairly certain you are—I hope that you get a measure of peace.

Comments

[Harriet]

Wonderful tribute to your hubby!

Have a great day!
http://harrietandfriends.com/2010/07/what-type-of-accent-would-you-like-to-have-if-you-were-forced-to-change-yours/

[Kristen]

What a beautiful post. As the mom of four kids adopted through open adoptions, I can guarantee that that birthmom thinks about him on his birthday. They all do.

[Alice Audrey]

I wish he were teaching my kids. Sometimes they need someone patient.

[Janet]

That's such a beautiful post!

[jillconyers]

Wonderful post.

[CountryDew]

Very beautiful. Life can be so fine sometimes; your husband is also blessed to have found someone who obviously loves him!

[Heather]

A nice tribute - I hope your husband enjoyed a good birthday!

[luna]

this is beautiful.

happy birthday, mr. journeywoman!

[Gattina]

My best friends son was adopted and when he was 18 he wanted to know his biological parents. It was the biggest disappointment in his life. His mother had her own family and he was only disturbing so she was very angry when he wanted to visit her and refused to see him and told him that she is not interested at all to know him. His father was even worse, he didn't want to have anything to do with him and hang off the phone.
After the first shock, he is now in peace with his real parents and doesn't care at all anymore about the biological once !

[sherilee]

A lovely post... one that I could easily write about my own husband, except for the desire to find/know his biological parents. He just doesn't have that desire.