There. I said it.
It's more than "not doing well."
It's more than "the cancer has spread."
She is dying.
There is nothing I can do about it.
I saw her yesterday and she couldn't speak. Her eyes tracked me and she tried to smile. When I took her hand she squeezed back. I didn't have to wonder if she knew who I was. I told her it was okay to let go. I told her I would take care of my father. I told her I loved her and that she'd been an amazing mom.
Then I left and cried.
I'm still crying.
She's hanging on--my stubborn mother. Who I love so so very much.
I'm not ready for this.
My mother is dying.