My mom just died and I am still reeling. Here are 13 about loss.
1) It is still so surreal to know I can't speak to her. To think that she isn't there.
2) It hurts to hear the pain in my father’s voice. He reaches for her every morning. He still sleeps on his side of the bed.
3) I don't know where the canned messages came from. Who was the first to say "I'm sorry" when faced with the survivors of a loss.
4) Why do people offer to help, "If there is anything I can do..." but RUN when asked by people for something concrete?
5) I can’t concentrate enough to do much. I need to revamp my resume, and I don’t seem to be able to. I can’t imagine what I would be like on a job interview.
6) I am stunned by the outpouring of generosity. My "evil" boss from several jobs ago emailed me (via LinkedIn) with a lovely note of sympathy and a memory when she met my parents. I don't even know how she found out, but I was incredibly grateful for the kindness behind the gesture.
7) In direct response to that, I'm stunned by the silence of some of my friends. Two people in particular who I would consider close friends, haven't called, haven't sent cards, nothing. The silence is deafening.
8) Taking care of a toddler is theraputic for the loss. They should put cards from day cares in funeral homes-when you have to be with kids, you are effected by their atural enthusiasm.
9) We had to take Lotus to the ER this week. First time. I wanted so much to call my mom. I wanted to tell her and have her reassure me.
10) I find myself dropping things. Literally. I've broken more glasses in the past few weeks than I have in years.
11) I don't understand facebook responses. People actually "liked" the post about my mother's death on facebook. WTF?
12) I haven’t been able to read. This is really annoying me. I start a book and it can’t hold me. I’ve been rereading some, but that hasn’t worked either.
13) I haven't been able to summon the energy to do stuff. I don't know when I will feel like doing things for their own sake rather than because I have to.