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« New Years Stuff | Main | People who require homestudies »

January 02, 2006

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Patti

I have cut ties with friends who do not give anything or provide anything positive in my life. Friendship should be two-way. At times I have realized a friendship is one-way and cut that person off. (Not hard, seeing as the person was no longer actively involved in the friendship) Occasionally a friend who has been nonresponsive for a long time suddenly, just as I'm about to weed her from the garden, does something wonderful and special like calls for no reason and asks how things are on the adoption front. She earns a reprieve, of course. It's tough, breaking up with a friend. And awkward when you run into them in a restaurant...

Heidi

Hey there! Welcome to the world of Typepad. You will love it!

Anyway, I sort of ended my relationship with my best friend growing up...and I mean, we were like sisters. After a while, I realized that she was never interested in my life. I think about it now, and I think she may have been envious. She got married and had kids in her early twenties, whiile I was off living in different cities and having adventures.

However, I always called her. I always visited her. I always listened to her. She did none of this for me. I just got tired of it, and decided not to call her to see how long she'd go before calling me. It was a long, long time. A ridiculously long time. That did it. I stopped putting in the effort and the friendship disolved. I'm still hurt over it (and this happened almost 10 years ago), but I also understand what true friendship is.

Well, that went a little long, didn't it?

mayapuravida@hotmail.com

Great topic - I have been going through a very similar thing with someone who really was (is?) as close to me as my sisters - in some ways, closer. I generally call her about 8-10 times before I get a call back or she picks up (I don't call all that often, either) I've given up writing, because she never, ever writes back. Email is not even a possibility, because she's to busy with...stuff. Fortunately, she lives in another state, with her lovely husband, two darling daughters and dogs, so it's not like I'd run into her by accident. I was thisclose to pretty much scratching her off my very short list of close friends, and than she rang me out of the blue. So... my vote... don't give up unless it is something toxic or damaging to you. Just my two cents, though! Happy v.v. early anniversary!

mayapuravida@hotmail.com

Great topic - I have been going through a very similar thing with someone who really was (is?) as close to me as my sisters - in some ways, closer. I generally call her about 8-10 times before I get a call back or she picks up (I don't call all that often, either) I've given up writing, because she never, ever writes back. Email is not even a possibility, because she's to busy with...stuff. Fortunately, she lives in another state, with her lovely husband, two darling daughters and dogs, so it's not like I'd run into her by accident. I was thisclose to pretty much scratching her off my very short list of close friends, and than she rang me out of the blue. So... my vote... don't give up unless it is something toxic or damaging to you. Just my two cents, though! Happy v.v. early anniversary!

Emilie

I just found your site but I was struck by your post. I actually 'broke up' with my best friend 2 years ago. She was my matron of honor in our wedding 3 years ago and I began to notice around then how much she hurt me. I realized that I didn't need anyone to make me feel bad about myself - I can do that quite well on my own. I didn't need someone to put me down to make herself feel better. Straw that broke the camel's back was her telling me I was being judgemental of her husband after he gave her a black eye.

I would say if the friend is toxic, break up. If she is just neglectful, transition the relationship to be one that you only talk occasionally - and resign that it is okay like that. Good luck with whatever you decide.

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