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June 25, 2006



That's got to have been tough to hear - but it's got to be better to know before hand than after the fact.

I'll be looking forward to those future posts - my 10th anniversary is coming up at the end of July.


I'm sorry to read this. I would be disappointed too...but it is cool that your dad was able to admit his weakness to you. I am sort of in the same spot with my grandfather. Before we decided to adopt, he would make inappropriate comments here and there about different ethnic groups. Ugh. So, I knew that he wouldn't be delighted that we have decided to adopt from a country where children will not look "caucasian". He knows about the adoption but he hasn't said anything "negative" so far...we shall see... Anyway, we have thoroughly researched agencies for Guatemalan adoption for the past month and I still have all of the references that I have collected regarding various agencies...I have many very honest ones and we finally made a decision that we feel comfortable with. If you would like our collected info, I would be willing to send it...I have it compliled into one document. Take care.


I was 10 years old when I first heard my dad make a racist remark (in fear after another driver almost hit our car). The good part was that I already knew it was wrong. That the man's poor driving skills had nothing to do with his race. When my sister became involved with a black man many years later, dad made some comments to me, and I had to recognize that there was a deep side to his feelings, more than just a casual remark made in fear/anger, and it did disappoint me that he had this attitude and did not see anything wrong with it. But I told him that I really appreciated that he had not passed on his racist attitudes to me or my siblings. That we would have had a much more difficult time living in our multi-cultural worlds if we had had to overcome his fears. And I pointed out to him that if he had really wanted to teach us to hate other races, he should have taught us that fear/hate before we learned "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world." During the last years that he and my mom lived in their own home, they needed help from the various social agencies, and some of these women were black. While dad was uncomfortable at first, he gradually was able to see them as people, he always treated them respectfully, and spoke of a couple of them as friends. It may take longer for your father to bond with a child from a race he has negative feelings about, but it sounds to me like he has the capacity to grow in this area. And there is nothing like a child to push us to grow in ways we never anticipated. Find your child and give your father the chance to find the love in his heart.

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