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« Not an easy thing | Main | Hope »

December 06, 2006

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Debberoo

I think you already have the answer you, show it, you talk it, repeat, repeat.

Children who are not adopted can have the same fear that if they aren't "perfect" their parents will abandon them. Children of divorce often think the divorce is their fault, if they had been "better" their parents would have stayed together.

I think its important to keep explaining to a child that it is a behaviour that you don't like but you always love them - which is exactly what you said.

Characters in books and role playing with dolls can be so helpful for the "how do you think that makes her feel?" conversations. It is the secret unspoken fears that have the most power over a child - if you can create a situation where they can verbalize a fear then I think you can begin to reassure them.

You are going to be a great mother because you think so much about it.

Oh and the obediance thing, I'd say pick your battles very, very carefully and don't set your standards too high. I think our children in particular often have a very strong need to control. They have experinced such utter lack of control over their world that I think that feeling can stay with them and make them strive to control their enviroment. I guess I'd say I'll be hoping not so much for obediance as good behavior - wish me luck!

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