When you are married to a teacher there comes a time, several in fact, when you know you will have to get up and go to work the next day and your spouse won't. It isn't a good feeling, and when it is the end of June and you know that July and August are more of the same--well it tends to put one in a foul, foul, mood. Add to that an early summer cold, and you are feeling like shit--and pissed off.
This does not lead to fun. It does however lead to fights. (TMI alert--you have been warned) Add to that the fact that a week after my procedure and a scant two weeks after I last had a provera induced period, I have another period. Yes, a period. I thought it was spotting at first too, but no, I'm in the middle of day 2. Can I have a WTF? (If ANYONE knows or has an idea of what is going on I'd love to hear it!) 2 week cycle? What the hell!!!! Oh yeah--that might have introduced a hormone induced nudge or something.
Guess what D and I did today?
Yep.
Fight, tears and other stuff. We're made up, but it was a lousy one.
They don't tell you in marriage 101 that there are fights where you consider what life would be like if you threw your clothes in a suitcase, threw the suitcase in the car, and just drive as far away from your spouse as land and a tank of gas would allow. We've never had another one like this--and it frightened me. It frightened D a lot too, especially since being an adult adoptee he has all these abandonment issues that come up, especially when we fight.
Odd though, when I thought about leaving, all I could see to was the point where I would turn around and go back. I can't picture my life without D in it. As angry as I was, and as hurt as I was, I knew he was hurting too, and my hand reached out to touch him, and it led to him hugging me as if he knew I was thinking of leaving him. And we talked, and we cried, and we hugged some more. Make-up sex has been postponed until I'm no longer bleeding but it will happen.
My grandmother said that there were only three reasons to leave your spouse.
1) If he/she hit you.
2) If there was another lover
3) If there was an addiction (Gambling, alcohol, etc)
Anything else, grandma said, could be worked out. Since grandma and grandpa were married for 63 or 65 years (long story--depends who you asked) I think they do have something to say about that. Anyway, I always felt like seperation was something that happened to someone else, some other couple. I didn't realize how quickly a fight can turn into THE fight and things get said that can't be taken back--and "I'm sorry" doesn't always cover. We were lucky today, and even luckier that our fight got us to seriously sit down and talk about things that have been bothering us that we've been shoving down. I can hope that we will always be this lucky, but tonight my heart goes out to all the couples who weren't.
OMG, I know exactly how you feel about the having to go to work when your spouse doesn't. It irritates the hell out of me. As for the fighting, around this time last year was the closest we ever came to separating. And we(I) came pretty close. We were able to work it out, and things have been better for it, but it is a scary feeling. Glad you were able to move past it so quickly.
Posted by: Michelle | June 24, 2007 at 09:39 PM
"We were lucky today, and even luckier that our fight got us to seriously sit down and talk about things that have been bothering us that we've been shoving down."
I think that is the most important thing about having arguments - and that is the strategies to deal with them.
You have been through so much - occasionally you have to vent, and sometimes you have to do that with the ones you love the most.
Good luck.
Posted by: jeanie | June 24, 2007 at 10:35 PM
What's worse than THE fight being the fight to end all fights is when a spouse just up and out of the blue doesn't want to be married anymore. No discussion. No warning. No nothing. It's a blessing when one has something WORTH fighting for.
Sending out good thoughts and vibes to you BOTH!
Posted by: ItsMeMaven | June 25, 2007 at 07:29 AM
Wow, I've just been learning this week that other seemingly normal and happy couples have moments of considering throwing in the towel, too! Kinda makes me feel a little better;)
I'd also forgotten that your husband was adopted - my husband was also - abandoned by his biological father and adopted by his mother's new husband. He definitely has abandonment issues and it is very challenging for me sometimes.
Posted by: Ali | June 27, 2007 at 12:12 PM