Channel Surfing My Brain

I have PMS. I can't concentrate worth a good goddamn. So some random things.

Yom Kippur is Friday night/Saturday. Can hardly believe it. Thinking about what I want to work on for next season.

I'm thinking of coming out about a part of my life on this blog. I call it my Horatio part. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy." Yeah I'm being cryptic.

I'm scared about IVF.

I'm scared about the drugs.

I told my boss that I was doing it. I don't know when I'm going to get it into my head that I work for an amazing, amazing lady. She told me not to worry. She told me that I could use her office (while she's on vacation) to go and cry --as a safe space. She told me the names of other women who I work with who did it, told me to talk to them.

At my last job when I started IUI, they said "Why should you get time off work so you can fuck your husband?" It was bad. I've been working here for going on 4 years and I still haven't shaken off the baggage of my other job.

Work has been hard recently. I'm tired.

D's job has been kicking his butt too.

I'm so scared about this IVF.

I'm reading a good book. Actually 3. I never used to do this, read 3 books at once. Now I have one for the train, one for right before bed, and one manuscript at work that I'm evaluating.

I'm tired though and boring. I'll try to be more interesting tomorrow.

I'm so scared about this IVF.

Comments

[walternatives]

I wish there was something I could do to help alleviate your fears. Hang in there...

[Reese]

No need to "try" to be interesting. I always enjoy the honesty you show here. I will be thinking of/praying for you as you begin this cycle.

[Orodemniades]

What's the scariest part about doing IVF? I, too, wish I could say something that would make you feel better about doing it. All I can say is that it's going to be okay.

[Michelle]

Being scared about the IVF is completely understandable. I think that's one of the reasons we decided not to do it. I was so damn scared it wouldn't work. I have my fingers crossed over here (both hands) that everything goes smoothly for you guys.

[Rachel]

I was scared too. But you'll get through it. It will suck, but you'll get through it. And hopefully something good will happen at the end.

[Damozel]

That's so incredibly open and revealing. I honor you for it. Good luck to you in the new year!

[SBird]

At the college I used to teach at, all the faculty had to pick a quote to accompany their photo and--sort of--'represent' them. The Horatio quote was my quote. So, I don't know if you'll decide to blog about your Horatio part, but I'm all ears if you do.