Body = Tired but brain won't shut down

My mom seems to be getting better. She's taken a grand total of 26 steps. She rocks.

I've been thinking a lot about this post from Julie. She's lucky that she has brothers and sisters who do for her. My brother can't due to location and money and my sister....well let's just say that I've been thinking of how to explain to my mom that I killed her. I'm not going to, but I've thought about it.

The Lupron is kicking my ass, but I am not sure if I'm just so down and tired because of the Lupron, my mom, no sleep, or just well sucky shit.

One thing I've been doing. Inspired by the happiness challenge I decided to come up with a ritual that I plan to do from now until I go for my beta...and maybe beyond that. I'm giving myself a song to hope. I will listen to a happy song in he darkness of my bedroom and allow myself to hope and dream of having a biological child. I've been slamming down hope and dreams so much for the past 7 years, allowing myself to hope feels like sneaking a treat. I listen to one song and visualize a child and the joy and nachas that would come from that child.

I've been doing this since monday. The songs I've used are

When you Believe from Prince of Egypt
Show Me The Way by Styx
Happiness - from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown
Whistle Down The Wing - Title song from the show

What songs would you put on your happy list?

Comments

[Julie]

I can't hear "Footlose" and be in a bad mood... I just have to start bopping along!lol And all year round, I listed to Chris Rea's "Driving Home for Christmas" - it's a little odd in July, especially for a Jewish girl, but that song just makes me happy!lol Glad to hear your mom is improving and good luck to you!

Julie