Journeywoman

Gone on Holiday

And we're off.

See you when we return from the land of The Beatles, Men in Kilts, High Tea, and other fun stuff.

Thirteen women I admire

March is National Women's Month and because we're going away soon this might be my last Thursday Thirteen for the month of March. So I wanted to be sure I got this one in.

Thirteen women I admire.

1) My Mom
The year is 1949. Most women go to college to get their Mrs degree. My mother becomes the second woman in this large university's history to walk out with a degree in International Finance (then called world trade.) She later went back for her Accounting degree. In my mother's world, there is nothing that can't be solved with hard work and more education. I'm so proud of her.

2)My Aunt
Dealing with Infertility made me admire this Aunt V of mine all the more. Her husband had little to no sperm and this was before donor, so that was it. They accepted it and moved on. She's given me some of her clues how to handle it. My favorite being going to the Opera on Mother's Day to get away from the small cherubs. While I plan to add to my family, I still admire a woman who took it and didn't look back. She made not having kids a viable choice.

3) My Grandma B
My father's mother. She passed when I was 15. Yet in the 15 years I knew her I learned how she never gave up. How stubborness could be a good trait. I learned that to get everything in a marriage you have to give everything. She and my Grandpa were married for 65 years. At my desk at work I have a picture of her riding a camel. She was 75 at the time. Because of her I don't fear growing old or death--because I know how to do it with style...and I know she's waiting for me.

4) Gloria Steinem
I like being called Ms. While I don't always agree with her, I know that a lot of the freedom I take for granted is due to her activism.

5) Barbra Streisand
I've told this story before, but heck it's my blog and I'll repeat if I want to. When I was in hebrew school I got in trouble because of her. Yentl had just come out and my teacher (a woman) said that it was getting tepid reviews because Ms. Streisand overreached. She wrote the screenplay, directed, starred in, sung in, and helped compose the songs for the movie. She should know better. I said that when Woody Allen does the same thing he's considered a genius. I was made to leave the room. I still admire her, a lot.

6) SenatorBarbara Boxer
If SHE were running for president, I'd be saying Barack Who? I'm hoping she's on his short list for vice.

7) Ruth Bader Ginsberg
She strikes me as a fascinating woman. Her rulings are generally sound and she just oozes competence.

8)J. K. Rowling
Picture this. You're on welfare. You're a single mom. You are so broke that you spend cold afternoons in a coffee shop with your baby in a stroller to keep warm. You then write the biggest, record-breaking, best-selling series the world has ever known. A lot to admire.

9)Rosa Parks
(see my 2 week old Thursday thirteen about when I got to see her in person)

10) Margaret Cho
Imagine being told you're not Korean enough or too Korean when doing a tv show where you're playing, pretty much yourself. Imagine being ruled by tv producers. Then imagine getting out and being bigger and better And making the world laugh with you.

11) Golda Meir
A sharp woman who held the highest office in her land decades before we had someone running. My favorite quote of hers-- "We have always said that in our war with the Arabs we had a secret weapon — no alternative."

12)Eleanor Roosevelt
She broke the "old" mold for what a first lady should be and do and set a new one. She was wise, and personable. There was a lot to admire

13) Queen Elizabeth I
In the 16th century she ruled England. She took a debt laden country and made it prosper. She was...just amazing. Go to that site.

What women do you admire?

Random thoughts

It's late and I should go to bed.

Mind's too full.

Coworker and I were talking and I was talking about our upcoming trip to England and she said "That's what you can swing when you don't have kids."

I was quiet for a moment, and it was long enough for her to realize that she was choking on her shoelaces. She knows some of the shit we have gone through. She apologized quickly and it was okay. I meant it when I say I understand.

She's a single mom and a sweet sweet lady. She felt terrible.

I wish she didn't.

Yes, we are going to England/Scotland and we couldn't do it if we had kids. It doesn't mean I don't want them. She groks that.

I wish I was normal. I do.

I also hope that when/if we do IVF #2, that it works.

Call for help

I'm kinda breaking the rule. Okay not breaking it, bending it just a little.

You see, D and I have said we're not making any decisions about adoption, or IVF #2 until we get back from England. And that's fine, and right and good.

But (You KNEW there was one)

I would like to be armed with at least some reputable domestic adoption agencies and send away for their brochures and stuff and have them waiting when we get back.

So, if you have adopted domestically, are in the process of adopting domestically, PLEASE comment with the name of your agency and whether you recommend them or not.

Thanks

Thirteen things I want to do and see before I die

I'm not being morbid. Well, okay, maybe I am.

But I'm watching my parents lose friends at an alarming rate. I'm watching my parents grow older. Actually they are considered elderly by most standards. It is frightening.

I turn 37 in a few weeks. I'm not old yet. And these are things I want to do before I die.

1) Parent a child.
If you've read this blog for 5 minutes you know this. Moving right along.

2) Publish my novels
Working on that.

3) Talk to a group of high school students as a published author.
When I was in High School Robert Kimmel Smith came to talk to us about writing. He said it was possible. I still believe him.

4) See Venice with my beloved.
I've always wanted to go to Italy. More Venice than Rome. Someday.

5) Speak and meet with my husband's birth family.
Note that he has little to no desire to do this. I on the other hand am curious as hell. I also think they would want to know that he's a good man.

6) Watch my nieces live up to their potential.
I have two amazing nieces by blood and one by love. They are so full of potential, I want to just see it and see what they make of themselves.

7) I'd like to see a woman take the presidential oath of office
This may surprise you, since I am quite the follower of Obama. However I really would like to see it in my lifetime.

8) Take a hens only trip
I'd like to drag one of my best friends and a few other of my best friend for a women only trip. Let the guys rough it for a bit.

9) Learn another language
I have a friend from High School who can speak over 10 languages fluently and he is "medically accurate" in another 8. (He's a doctor, so he does start learning languages with body parts and symptoms.) I envy that gift. I'd love to learn a language.

10) Learn how to play a stringed instrument
Well, I kinda know. I mean I can play the piano and it HAS strings. But I'd like to learn the guitar or the violin, or the cello. When I make up my mind of what I want to learn, I think I might actually go for lessons.

11) Learn Talmud
Talmud is a record of Jewish law. It contains the whys and WTFs of Jewish custom. You can't learn Talmud alone, you can only study it with another person. That's why I haven't learned it yet. I need to find people to study with who won't judge me for marrying a non-Jew.

12) Grow old with My husband.
Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care?
I don't want to outlive him. I want to be one of those old couples who travel during retirement. I want always to have him be the first thing I see when I wake.

13) Die quickly
I know, morbid much? But seriously. I want quick. No lingering Alzheimers or cancer or wasting disease. Quick. Then I will move on to the next great adventure. My grandma said that Death must be so neat because no one comes back to talk about it.

What do you want to do before you die?

Afraid to go to sleep

Last night I wrote for a while and went to bed at 12:30. When I went to bed I fixed a bunch of stuff and then got undressed and snuggled next to my sweetie--for all of five seconds.

His back was wet.

That means insulin reaction. I shook him awake, and he was bleary. I handed him his testing supplies and had OJ ready because I knew, knew that he was going to be scary low. He was. 32. (Normal is 100.) 1/3 of a carton of OJ and 4 glucose tablets later he went up. To 33. I gave him bread with jam, Cocoa Pebbles, an apple and he still was only 46.

It was a long night. And while this bit was nowhere near as bad as this I still am worried about climbing into bed with my husband. What if he has a reaction and I don't wake up. What if HE doesn't wake up.

I'm tired as hell here and yet I'm worried as hell too.

Must go sleep.

B

My mom called me. My friend B's father passed away.

I'm not sure if we're friends. I mean I went to high school with him. I lived down the block from him. We had a friendly antagonism going throughout most of my pre-college days.

I remember when I first learned to drive and started driving people around after I got my license. B was a total asshole in the car. He yelled, he screamed. He screamed LOOK OUT!! and finally I got pissed. I put on my hazards, pulled over, and told him to get out of the car. He had to walk home from school It was drizzling and I kept my hazards on and slowed to a crawl so I made sure he got home safe. (The other kid in the car loved it.) He yelled at me that I was going to get in so much trouble when he told his parents and they called mine. He was wrong. His parents had watched me grow up and they knew him. They banned him from taking rides to school for the next two weeks. He had to ride the bus. (He wasn't old enough to drive yet.) It is that memory that I have of his father. Fair.

I haven't spoken to B since shortly after 9/11. B worked at one of the law firms in Tower 1. On 9/10 his company had sent him out to California to negotiate a deal. It had been a spur of the moment thing so he hadn't told his parents. His parents were out of their minds for hours, because he couldn't get through. The scary part was that they found his shingle...the thing on his desk with his name. It had fire damage. I was so glad he wasn't in town.

My parents and his parents remained friends, and B's dad lost a long battle with liver cancer. I guess the wait is weighing down on me today, because I worry that my parents might not be around to see my little girl.

To B's father, wind to thy wings.