Things that shift

Every so often things shift.

Sometimes these are little things, like you decide that you like Pepsi more than Coke.

And sometimes it is big things like the continents shifting and it causes earthquakes and tsunamis.

And sometimes it is a little thing to most, but it feels like a big thing to me. My heartsister, her husband who is like a second brother, and my goddaughter are moving 250 miles away. It's a good thing for them. Her husband got a great job--one of those chance of a lifetime jobs. It's a good thing. And, for the most part, I'm so damned happy to see him getting out of his hell-job (a scene I know all too well) and get this chance that I'm happy too.

But the part of me that is eternally 11 years old wonders how my world will ever be the same.

I know in the age of the internet, and that telephone thing, the world is smaller and blah blah. But they still haven't figured out how to send a hug that envelops you by email. They haven't made a perfume that is the scent of her cooking, or made a song that is as musical as the sound of my goddaughter's laugh.

So I turn to you O wise internets. How do you maintain the long distance friendships?

And, if any answers are "I didn't" I don't want to know.

Comments

[Michelle]

Well, my sister is my best friend and she lives 430 miles away. We talk everyday, whether it be on the phone, or through e-mail or blogs. Plus, I go see her every two or three months. Is it the same as us living in the same town? No. But it's what we have, and I'm grateful for it. that sucks that your friend is moving. I'm sorry.

[luna]

phone, email, web conferencing and cheap tickets or long weekends/vacations.

my niece and nephew live in europe and my brother sends pix and video every sunday morning. my mom has a camera on her computer so she actually does web conferencing every week to talk with them and the kids... and of course, cheap fares for visits, meeting them half way, etc.

[L]

Heartsister,

First HUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGSSSSS!!

You will never lose me. You're stuck with me. You didn't lose me when I was several states away for several years and it will not happen now.

I love you SOOOOO much!!!

[Pronoia]

My best friend and I talk on the phone. When we have kids there will be skype.

None of it can give us the lazy evenings watching the sunset on her porch while drinking red wine and eating spinach-and-goat-cheese dip, but it's still pretty good.

[mrs. vandertramp]

This sounds almost exactly like my thought processes last fall. I've seen her once since October and those two days together just simply reconfirmed deeply that the piece that brought us together was still there. We email, we chat occasionally, it's not quite the same, but it's still real and it's still forever.

[walternatives]

I left a very dear friend nearly a decade ago, moving to a different city. Both of us knew that it would take work, or the relationship would wither. We made a promise to have a phone date every Sunday night. I talked to her last night, like nearly every Sunday for the last ten years. I'm grateful we didn't lose each other; nearly all the other relationships I left behind did wither and fade.

[lisa]

my closest friend, a friend for more than 25 years lives far away. Ever since we went to college we ventured from 90 minutes apart to over a 12 hour drive. We now live in New England, she in NC.

But we are tight as can be. We've stayed in touch because we both made a commitment and we both keep it, regularly.

We meet every year, someplace, camping, vacations, drive bys for a day or so. And we talk every month on the phone and every week in email.

When we lost our daughter, she spent nearly every weekend in our house. I don't know how they did it. I never asked. She flew up more than I can count for every sad milestone.

We've grown up, grown apart and pulled each other back together.

simply put, we both made a commitment. It can be done.

[Bug's mama]

it is so hard. My best friend moved across the country right after my wedding. We both have kiddos that we have never met, but we talk on the phone for HOURS at least once a week. We keep photo journals online to see each other's kids pics and stuff. It is hard, but doable. I guess I feel like if you love each other enough, you'll make it work.

[T.S.]

My best friend and I talk almost every day on the phone somehow. She doesn't use AIM and she sucks at email but we make time to call. And if we are extremely busy sometimes, we take solace in knowing that we miss each other and sometimes just calling and hearing an "I can't talk right now but I miss you" is enough. And if that doesn't work, we save up some $$ and visit each other. If they are moving up near Boston, the Chinatown bus is a cheap way to visit on the weekends. For those times when you can't financially justify spending the gas money but HAVE TO have heartsister time.

For the other friends I wish lived in the city that I want to keep in touch with, we keep in touch via blog mostly. Phone has been harder and harder for me because I'm always so busy and doing 3000 different things at once. But blogs I can come back to. Blogs I can read at my leisure and comment and let them know I love them and then they can read mine and do the same. And AIM helps too. And texting. If you don't have one, get a good texting plan. I pay $5 extra (I can't remember if that is per month or just one flat fee -- probably per month if I'm being pessimistic but my brain says one time fee) and I get a large amount of texts for free (or for that $5).