Our other sisters

A long time ago, longer than I care to think about I started reading infertility blogs.  The first one I saw was Chez Miscarriage--and for those who remember her there was nothing like it.  

I was thinking about what she said about women with secondary IF.  How they are the unsung sisters of all the women with primary IF, though they are treated far worse.  I have to say I'm guilty of it too.  It is hard to feel sorry for someone's IF ordeal when they are rocking a child to sleep every night.  But I know that secondary IF is hell--just like IF of any stripe.  They are still the sisters of infertile women, even if they do have kids. 

This is not about women with secondary IF.

This is about our other sisters.  Those who do not want children, those who never wanted children and do not have them.  They call themselves child-free. 

WHAT?  You ask.  These people with working fertile parts not taking what we so desperately want?  You call them our sisters?

Hell yes.

These women get it in a way that no other woman can.  They get how it annoys you to see the woman who has 3 children get pregnant again like that.  They get it.  Not because they want kids, but because the things around kids bother them as much as it bothers us.  They don't deal well with the baby showers either.  They find it scary when their friends who were vibrant and lively and had a host of interests before the baby now only has one interest = THE BABY.  

And they have compassion.  They don't get everything they want and they want a whole mess of things too.  Some of the most compassionate people on my journey have been women who have never wanted children.  Why?  Because they GET how society treats those who don't have children.  They get a brunt too.  They are told that they are being selfish, childish, evil, judgmental, (though someone who is making judgments can call these women judgmental I don't know!), and a whole host of other things.  Just because they have made a choice.

How many times have we as infertile women been told that if we hadn't waited so long we'd have kids?  Hmm?  Yeah.  I've heard that one a lot.

Anyway, this post could go on and on but I thought I would take a moment to raise a glass and drink a VERY alcoholic beverage to our other sisters--the ones who don't want kids and who are kind enough to befriend the ones who do.

Comments

[Egg Factory]

So, so true. At least most of us infertiles can answer the "why don't you have children?" with a medical reason. Our sisters who choose not to have kids might have to engage in a much more personal answer (though I don't blame them if they totally ignore such questions all together).

After five years of infertility, I'm finally beginning to embrace being child-free - even though it's not on my terms. Some infertiles have to come to this realization at some point, too.