My mother

My mother died the day after my last post. 

It is so hard to write those words. 

I can still hardly believe it. 

There was the funeral, which was awful. The gravesite which was worse. My father crying in the limo home, "They put dirt on my wife!"

My aunt was bowed under the weight of losing her baby sister. 

I am mving like I'm in a dream. Everyone tells me to take care of myself--but I don't know how. 

I cry so quickly, so often. How is it that I have any tears left? I am so worried I'll lose my daughter, my husband, my father.  I'd wrap them in bubble wrap if I could. 

We had a small seder. Just my father, my husband, Lotus, and me. The words of praise to Gd felt like ash in my mouth. I am hardly keeping passover, just no pasta and no bread. 

I am so drained. 

Thoughts and prayers are appreciated. 

Comments

[Robin from Israel]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

May her memory be a blessing.

[OmegaMom]

I am so very sorry. Losing a parent is very painful. It will get easier with time, but slowly. Many, many hugs.

[Sophie]

So very sorry. I also lost my mother to cancer, more than 8 years ago. I felt like an orphan at nearly 40 years old.

As much as you are able right now, I think it might help you if you can just *be* with your father, your husband, and your dear little one. Grieving is a long process. I think someone I know compared it to peeling back an onion, with the intended meaning of course of both the tears and the many layers. Talking about her with your dad may do you both some good. I hope it brings you both some peace.

Be good to yourself-- you have my deepest sympathy.

[Dspence]

I'm so sorry. Praying for your family.

[Donna Denny]

Dealing wih my mothers death.....?

Im not a believer in religion or afterlife..although i used to be. The hard thing is that now I want to believe but my logic refuses to believe. How can I know where she is? I dream about her almost every night since she passed. She doesnt tell me anything she just looks at me and smiles, I hug her and her embrace feels so real that i wake up crying. How can I finally be in peace with her death?