Thirteen about loss

My mom just died and I am still reeling.  Here are 13 about loss. 

 

1) It is still so surreal to know I can't speak to her. To think that she isn't there. 

2) It hurts to hear the pain in my father’s voice. He reaches for her every morning. He still sleeps on his side of the bed. 

3) I don't know where the canned messages came from. Who was the first to say "I'm sorry" when faced with the survivors of a loss.

4) Why do people offer to help, "If there is anything I can do..." but RUN  when asked by people for something concrete? 

5) I can’t concentrate enough to do much. I need to revamp my resume, and I don’t seem to be able to. I can’t imagine what I would be like on a job interview. 

6) I am stunned by the outpouring of generosity. My "evil" boss from several jobs ago emailed me (via LinkedIn) with a lovely note of sympathy and a memory when she met my parents. I don't even know how she found out, but I was incredibly grateful for the kindness behind the gesture. 

7) In direct response to that, I'm stunned by the silence of some of my friends. Two people in particular who I would consider close friends, haven't called, haven't sent cards, nothing. The silence is deafening. 

8) Taking care of a toddler is theraputic for the loss. They should put cards from day cares in funeral homes-when you have to be with kids, you are effected by their atural enthusiasm. 

9) We had to take Lotus to the ER this week. First time. I wanted so much to call my mom. I wanted to tell her and have her reassure me. 

10) I find myself dropping things. Literally. I've broken more glasses in the past few weeks than I have in years. 

11) I don't understand facebook responses.  People actually "liked" the post about my mother's death on facebook. WTF?

12) I haven’t been able to read. This is really annoying me. I start a book and it can’t hold me.  I’ve been rereading some, but that hasn’t worked either. 

13) I haven't been able to summon the energy to do stuff. I don't know when I will feel like doing things for their own sake rather than because I have to. 

 

 

 

Comments

[kezzela]

#4 I've wondered about often . My friends all know I am ill yet when I ask for a cut of yard or help moving something, they cannot be found..Thus I have learned to lean on only me - my family included /I can feel your pain and loss so intensely here ....

[kezzela]

I used to get facebook response infuriated as well But I believe they are saying I loved sharing this with you . I liked hearing from you not the actual liking of death

[Alice Audrey]

Hugs. I'm hoping I wont be facing this soon. My mother was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago. Everything has been a little off-kilter ever since, but not as severe as this.

Funny, outside of my family you are the first person I've told.

[Heather]

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom passed a few years ago. Though no one's grief id the same, I understand your feelings of loss and confusion, especially where the scarcity of friends and family are concerned. I hope the ones who are truly matter are there for you. (((Hugs)))
My T13

[Mia Celeste]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom's death. It's a lot to deal with and I appreciate you sharing.

http://otherworlddiner.blogspot.com/2014/04/wait-for-it.html

[Colleen@LooseLeafNotes]

When I lost two of my brothers in 2001 I felt like I had been abducted my aliens and was looking for others who had been abducted. I wrote a book about their deaths, growing up in the '60s in a family of 11 and the grief process in the first six months. I remember the awkwardness of others too, but I felt like an awkward attempt to acknowledge the loss was better than saying nothing. Even a gesture or touch would do. http://silverandgold.swva.net/jimdanstories.htm

[OmegaMom]

It has been four years since my mom died. It does get easier, but it still can strike hard out of the blue. The worst is an ongoing wish to share the ordinary everyday things...

I have no great suggestions, just much sympathy and empathy.

(About the Facebook "likes"...a friend at one point explained that she "liked" people's sad posts as a way of showing she was there, she read it, and she was glad you felt you could share. FWIW.)

[Ron.]

This complete stranger offers sincere condolences. Interesting point about developing "dropsy". I had the same experience couldn't seem to hang on to anything.

[Mel]

No good words. Just holding you in my heart.

[Sophie]

So many people are uncomfortable with discussing loss. I'm so sorry you have gotten those odd responses. I'm especially sad for you about those who haven't responded at all, but certainly should have. I found that with some people, it helped to tell them, very explicitly, that I needed them to ackowledge the loss. With some, doing so didn't really improve things and unfortunately, I lost some "friends". I think those who haven't been through this also think that offering an "I'm sorry" once covers it. Many don't understand what a long process grief can be. I hope you have at least a few in your life who "get it". Even just one or two people like that can make a huge difference.

I'm sending you many hugs and wishing you at least some moments of peace.

[Heather]

I am so sorry for your loss. I just spent the weekend with my mom and it just makes me appreciate her more. Sending love and hugs.

[Mrs T]

I am so sorry for your profound loss.

[Maven]

I am sorry to read of your loss. I lost my dad in 2008, and I experienced some of what you shared on your blog. The only thing that gave me peace was sleep. I think from October 2008 until October 2009 I was merely able to just exist because every chance I got I slept 12 hours a day. Sometimes people pull back because of fear, or fear of doing or saying the wrong thing. Perhaps this is what's at play with those friends who are MIA.

My condolences to you.