"Here is an image for you. The cup is a symbol of the Goddess, of women. It contains everything but it isn't controlled by what it contains. Rather, it gives its contents form and shape. Reality...if you want to call it that. ... That's your cup. That's you. What do you want to contain?... What do you want to make real?"
...
"How about some fucking self respect?"
"Take. Drink. This is self respect. This is the beginning of the end of fear. This is yourself, whom you now take back."
--Gael Baudino Gossamer Axe
I haven't written in a bit.
Mainly because I haven't gotten out of bed for a bit.
No, I'm not sick. In fact, I'm feeling fine. Feeling wonderful. A bit sore, a bit tired, but when my co-workers asked about my weekend I grinned from ear to ear.
You see, this weekend, we took ourself back.
The first casualty of infertility is sex. Sounds crazy but it is true. Your sex life is not the same. It is regimented, it is "Do we have to?" instead of "Do I want to?"
But this weekend, we have taken ourself back. Our passion has known no bounds. I don't know what has gotten into us this weekend but we beat our record of # of times in a 48 hour period--set shortly after our honeymoon!
We tried new positions. We made love under the Christmas tree (and nearly broke an ornament too!). I arrived home from shopping, I gave my husband a kiss. 20 minutes later our clothes are everywhere, and we're breathing heavy and looking at each other like "how did that happen?"
I know exactly where I am in my cycle. I know we didn't make a kid from it--and it didn't matter! All I wanted was him. All he wanted was me.
Returning to the quote above--I was the chalice. D, well, filled me--and we both drank deep of the passion that has made us want to create a child in the first place. I don't know where we go from here. But we have drunk. We have taken the first step. This is self respect. This is the beginning of the end of fear. This is D and Journeywoman...who we now take back.