I'm at my in-law's house today. My MIL is much better than I thought she would be, and that is good. D had his diabetic tests today (he's been in a research program for almost 20 years and each year he goes and gets a number of tests done) and the ones with results we got today were okay, and that's also good.
So why does my mood have cancer of the puppy?
One, we're going into that funnest of all fun times (sarcasm boys and girls) for infertiles if you guessed Thanksgiving and Christmas, you're RIGHT!!! Nothing says you're barren and you suck and you're barren because you suck like another year without a Baby's First Christmas ornament on the tree. Another year that I can't press a little hand to a candle to light the menorah.
Two, I'm in the gift funk.
I get the gift funk every year. Seriously. It isn't always in December, sometimes it is in March (my Birthday) once it was in June (My anniversary). Sometimes I just get into it.
I hate that I get into it. I have so many gifts. I truly want for very little materialistically, and those I really want I work to get. That being said, I love choosing and giving gifts to my family and friends. I really go all out to get something that they will like. I make sure that they get their gifts on time (meaning before the holiday unless we have both agreed to it being after) and not to get them the same thing every year.
This is not reciprocated. In the case of my brother, I can tell you what I'm getting from him now. Omaha steaks. It was amazing the first year he did it. Then the second year was nice. Now the 7th year....come on. You can't think of something else I'd like? Even when I flat out say there are other things I'd like? I really would rather he spent the money on this to a charity in my name than know for a fact that I was something he crossed off his to-do list with little to no thought. Oh and yes, I get a gift for him, his wife, and my two nieces.
I know I am sounding like a whiny bitch. Oh, yeah, I'm being one. But while I'm at it...why don't I go into the fact that often after a grueling search for the perfect gift I hand it to someone who says that my gift is "coming". It hasn't yet. There are a few of D's friends who are the worst offenders, and to be honest, the worst offender of this, I'm no longer speaking to (for a reason that has NOTHING to do with this--trust me, the story is in the blog) but others have done the same. And while most of the time, the joy I feel when I see them open their gifts and I'm proven right--that it IS a good gift--is a big present to me, I can't help feeling like I am not valued as much as I value them. I've never pricemarked the gifts I've been given. If someone put a hell of a lot of thought and love in making me a gift, I usually can tell. My birth sister had had a hellish financial season, so she said that she is getting everyone a special card. For a dyslexic to go to the store and go through all the xmas cards...that's a gift and I respect the hell out of it. Would I have liked a thank you when I give her something? Okay, I'm not going into that.
That being said, we're cutting down on our gift list this year. Mainly because really, I don't want to deal. I want to concentrate on making a few really good gifts and, well, the rest is the rest. I work in publishing, and there are lots of good gifts to be had. Though I was told by someone that since the gifts didn't cost me anything, they didn't count--I have to believe they do.
I've been looking on some websites and finding low cost, yet meaningful gifts to give to people this year. I thought I'd share. Do It Yourself Christmas, Buy Nothing Christmas alternatives.
Oh, what do I want?
Costing nothing but time
I wish my brother would sit down and write me a short story. He did that for my Bat Mitzvah, a short story on 2 sheets of paper. Those two sheets of paper came to school with me every day for the next two years. A bully ripped it up before my eyes in 9th grade, but truly, I remember every word to this day. I like to think I'm a good writer, but my brother was the best.
I'd love my husband to record me a CD of him reading poems. I love his speaking voice and I love listening to him read.
I love when people make CD's for me of songs that make them think of me. I both love doing this and love when someone does it for me.
and in the words of Idina Menzel
I could use a little help,
I could use a little hope,
I could a little something ...that illuminates the point of my being on this earth
...I could use a little miracle.